down the road (excerpts)

table of contents

1.   whirligig

2.   the road

3.   foggy daze

4.   accident related

5.   rehab

6.   diagnosis

7.   memory loss

8.   changes

9. a new life

10. reading

11.   music

12.   writing

13.   painting

14.  the thought

15.   acceptance

down the roaddecadesschooledthe artisthome


1. whirligig


it was june 20th
1994  

we were driving down blue star highway
i was sitting in the front passenger seat of an old van
enjoying the sounds
of my daughter laughing in the back
watching the sun streaking through
the rich greens of summer
streaming past my window
when out of nowhere
life
curved
and a car brought terror
speeding into our lane

we went off the road to try to get away

oh god

there was an explosion
it was the loudest sound i ever heard
and then a wind
a big wind
and a bright white light came
and took everything away

what happened

i heard rebekah
she sounded so far away
mommy
mommy
she was crying
she needed me

there was blood and broken glass everywhere
i could not move my head
could not turn to see her
to see if she was okay
it was bad

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are you hurt
come to where i can see you
are you bleeding
take a shirt and hold it on your mouth

i watched as the driver of our van
my second husband
got out
he went to see
what happened to the driver of the car that hit us
the other driver was dead

later i heard
some people went to get help
they lived near a blueberry farm
on the other side of the tree line

i could not move
could not think to take off the seatbelt
or get out of the van
i was stuck
in too much pain

bekah
is that smoke
it sounded like steam
like pressured air releasing

get out
it's gonna blow
it's gonna blow
we will get hit by a truck
get out get out

she was crying
no
no

you have to get out
it’s gonna blow

but she wouldn’t leave me
at ten years old she was so brave
she stayed
bleeding,
thinking i would die
not caring what happened to her
she stayed

my memory goes blank after that

later i found out
rebekah undid my seatbelt
and pulled me across the engine
and got me out of the van
she was my hero

the only image i remember after that
was being outside and
twirling
like some kind of a whirligig
spinning
in slow motion
spiraling
toward the ground
falling gently
downward
to a surreal
silent
stop

 

 

 

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copyrights reserved by jenn weinshenker

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